Frustrated by rejection? How to plan before you ask
Do you hate getting rejected? Of course you do. I hate it too.
Look, we can train ourselves to get comfortable with rejection. But the fact that we need to train ourselves at all is proof that it’s unpleasant.
Of course, being a change agent means trying new things. And when you try new things, not everything will work. For example, about 1/10 of the marketing experiments I try actually work, and that’s considered a good hit rate.
So is rejection something you just have to deal with?
Not necessarily. It’s possible to try new things AND not get rejected as often as you expect.
How? By being strategic about how, when, why, who, and what you ask about.
Here are ways to minimize rejection:
“It doesn’t hurt to ask!” is a lie.
How many times have you heard someone say, “It doesn’t hurt to ask!” The truth is, it can hurt to ask.
Asking when you shouldn’t is expensive:
Asking can use up your social capital.
Asking can make someone question your sense of judgment.
Asking can be off-putting and create awkwardness.
Asking can put strain on a relationship.
Asking can change the nature of a relationship going forward (and be hard to undo).
You should ask—but don’t just “put it out there” without a strategy. Think about whether what you’re asking a specific person makes sense given your level of trust.
Plan before you ask.
You want to feel strongly that the person will say yes before you ask. Did you give them enough reasons to say yes? Did you give them any reason to say yes?
This is a concrete question to ask yourself before making a request. The responsibility is on you to give those reasons.
Remember: The status quo is to do nothing. “Doing nothing” includes delaying and stalling.
You want to give your request the fuel it deserves by framing your idea, why it benefits the other person, and selling the upside.
If it feels like something the person will regret, they won’t say yes. Show them why they will be glad to help you.
Rethink the shape of your funnel.
Most funnels look like a cone: there’s a wide top of funnel that gets narrower. I believe “funnels” should look more like cylinders.
I believe this is a better way to think about when and how to ask.
For example, if you think, “I need to ask a lot of people, and I’ll get rejected 99% of the time.” Then you’re going to behave accordingly. You’re going to ask a bunch of people who might or might not be a good fit in the first place. And you’ll expect to get rejected by most of them.
Instead, imagine your funnel as more of a cylinder. You’ll think, “I’m going to ask people who I think have a reason to say yes.”
You might still get rejected, but at least you had a point of view about why the person would say yes in the first place.
It’s not about you.
Ah, yes. This is the mantra that keeps on giving.
Before I mention an idea, I always ask myself, “How can I make this less about me? How can I make this more about the other person?”
If your message is too long, you can usually find places to trim by doing this exercise.
Ask yourself:
“Do I need to share these details?”
“What do I expect the person to do with this information?”
“How can I frame this with the other person in mind?”
You almost always have room to make it less about you. And when you do that, you’re more likely to get a positive result.