Tone and words: Use accurate and precise language
You make decisions, allocate resources, and make plans—all based on words.
This is why it’s important to be mindful that your language accurately reflects a few things:
Intent
Meaning
Severity
Level of certainty
Stakes
Power dynamics
These elements are even more important to consider if you’re sharing your idea remotely, where you won’t have facial expressions and body language to add context.
Who would benefit from thinking about their tone and word choice?
💼 People managers in positions of authority
⛑ Customer-facing operators (customer service reps, account managers) who want to offer suggestions without overstepping or sounding presumptive
💡 Course instructors and coaches who want to prompt thinking without being overly prescriptive
💥 Change agents who influence how resources are allocated
1. Words can encourage or discourage divergent thinking
Power dynamics matter.
When you’re in a position of authority, it’s even more important to be mindful of your words.
When bosses speak prescriptively, teams are less likely to push back.
To encourage healthy dissent, try to speak with an accurate level of conviction. If you’re simply riffing out loud, encourage your team to speak up by showing that you’re not 100% sure either.
Another example: At the altMBA, we had to remind coaches not to speak too prescriptively. Coaches were in a position of power—so anything they said would be taken more seriously than if a fellow student said it.
It was important that individual coaches didn’t speak on behalf of the organization. We asked folks to use “I” instead of “we,” so students wouldn’t feel intimidated thinking the coach’s words were the end all be all. And to use softeners (see list below) to offer suggestions, not hard prescriptive rules.
This created an open, accountable culture for both coaches and students.
2. What's the cost of being wrong
Conventional wisdom says you should sound more certain. I’m sure you’ve heard this advice:
“There’s no need to say ‘I think’ because people know it’s what you think. You’ll sound more confident if you remove this qualifier.”
It’s true to a certain extent: You can act 100% certain if the stakes are low if you’re wrong.
When you’re writing tweets or a Medium post to share your hot take, no one is going to come after you if you’re wrong. So by all means, sound as confident as you’d like.
On the other hand, it’s dangerous (and irresponsible) to sound overly confident if your boss is counting on your input to make a $50,000 decision.
This idea of speaking accurately was a big part of our office culture at Seth Godin HQ. While we wanted everyone to feel comfortable making assertions, we didn’t want folks to pretend they were sure when they weren’t.
Think about it this way:
If you act like you’ve done this a million times, I’m going to trust you to run with it.
If you’re honest that you’re not sure about a few things, we can work through key questions together.
Either is great—I just want to know what I’m getting myself into.
3. Pick words that reflect your level of certainty
Qualifiers like might, could, tends, and perhaps reflect your level of certainty, which adds context and meaning.
For example,
“This will X.”
Versus
“This tends to X.”
Those two are not the same thing.
I consider it a red flag if a person talks in absolutes. It makes me wonder if they realize most situations aren’t binary. If I know you aggrandize, I have to adjust everything you say for the curve. Why put that burden on your listener? I want to work with people who see nuances. If you speak accurately, then people can trust your expressed level of certainty. If and when you sound certain, your words will carry more weight.
Also, using words like “might” and “could” and “consider” show you have the humility to understand that you might not have the full story. If you’re giving constructive feedback to peers, this is especially important because the content of the feedback itself is already jarring (because all constructive feedback is inherently kind of jarring), so adding language that’s more empathetic helps the person feel better about receiving the feedback.
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List of modifiers
As with everything, use your best judgment. The best way to improve the precision of what you mean is probably to restructure your sentence altogether. But if you’re looking for a general list of words that can help, check out the lists below.
If you tend to sound too commanding and prescriptive, 👉 add empathizing words.
If you tend to sound wishy washy and uncertain, 👉 add words that are usually too prescriptive for most people.
To recap: Use words that accurately reflect what you mean. The benefit is fewer misunderstandings, feedback that’s well received, and more productive conversations.
Here’s a list of words to help you speak more accurately and precisely.
Empathizing words
I call these empathizing words, but really, we can call it “how to give feedback without seeming like a dominant jerk who knows it all.” These words/phrases respect the intelligence of the person you’re giving feedback to.
consider
might
could
suggest
seem
can, can be
might seem
try
probably
likely
in general
have you thought about…
may want to try…
might want to avoid...
one way you could do it is...
the story i tell myself is...
my worldview about this is…
how do you see it?
that’s one way, and another way is…
“a” versus “the” (“this is A way to do it” versus “this is THE way to do it”)
“sometimes” versus “always” or “never”
my point of view is...
Prescriptive words (avoid this)
When you’re giving feedback, these words are usually too prescriptive or combative. You can say what you need to say—just as directly—using a more positive tone from words in the previous list. You can use the phrases below sparingly, but be aware that it can shut down conversation especially if you’re the one in power and your audience is afraid to share a differing perspective.
should
do this
it’s like this
must
the thing is, it’s like X
it’s crucial
this is THE reason why we do X
we’re here to do X
never
only
always