How to give better advice: “What kind of feedback would be most helpful?”

“So, what do you think? I’d love to get your feedback.”

A friend showed me their project.

I thought they were in the brainstorming phase, so I tore it apart. I mean, really tore it apart. I listed reasons why it wouldn’t work, why the logic was flawed, why there wouldn’t be market demand.

I waited for them to thank me for the brilliant advice.

The only problem?

They weren’t in the brainstorming phase. They had already spent three months working on it and were finally ready to ship.

Yikes.

I could have prevented the disaster (and lots of backtracking!) with one simple question. This is now the first thing I say when anyone asks for feedback:

“What kind of feedback would be most helpful?”

When people ask for your feedback, it sounds like an innocent question.

But without asking the magic question “What feedback would be most helpful?”, you could spend 20 minutes giving advice, only to have the person reveal your advice wasn’t relevant for various reasons.

Spinning your wheels is not a good use of your time or theirs. Maybe you think they want feedback on X, but they actually want feedback on Y. Don’t assume you know what they would find helpful.

Just ask explicitly: “What kind of feedback would be most helpful?”

This gives the other person a chance to share what they would find most valuable from you. It might feel weird at first, but most people are excited to share more context. They will gladly tell you what they are stuck on and how you can help.

Not everyone is used to hearing a question pinged back to them when they ask for feedback. If that’s the case, explain why it’s to their benefit if they share what they would find most helpful.

“I want to make sure I give you feedback that’s relevant and helpful given the stage of this project, what’s fixed, what’s still changeable. What kind of feedback would be most helpful for you right now?”

Depending on the situation, you might have more context already. In that case, here are other iterations of the question:

“Who’s the audience for this and what do you want them to do?”: This allows you to give focused advice that helps the person get the reaction they want from their audience. For example, a friend asks you to review an important email. You need to know the audience and goal in order to help them decide what to say.

“How far along are you on this? What parts are fixed or still changeable?”: You don’t want to tell them to change the product if there are 5,000 units currently being manufactured. You can spend time giving advice on other areas that are still levers.

“What is it for?”: You want to know what the person is trying to accomplish. Then you can give specific advice on whether their current approach allows them to get to where they want to go.