“Never apologize at work.”

How many of us learned that back in the day? In my experience, this advice is outdated.

But first, a trip down memory lane...

Years ago at Gap Inc, one of my fellow analysts—we’ll call him Adam—added an extra zero on an important spreadsheet. I think he was placing an order of inventory for sweaters. And just like that, we almost ordered 10x as many units as we needed.

Managers and directors were woken up in the middle of the night.

Phone calls had to be made overseas to stop production lines in Bangladesh. 

Other departments had to comb through every number in every document in case another error was tucked in between cells in Excel.

The next day, we heard whispers of what happened. Adam sat two cubicles away. He didn’t look even a little remorseful or ashamed.

I don’t know about you, but I would have felt SO BAD. I would have apologized to the moon and back. But he just went about his normal day.

It was then that I promised myself, “I, too, will not apologize if I mess up at work. I will be like Adam.”

So...

It’s been over ten years and I’ve changed my mind, oh, 180 degrees.

I believe you should absolutely apologize at work.

What changed?

I’m now able to empathize with the managers who had to clean up Adam’s mess.

Many of us were taught not to apologize at work because ”business is business.”

But businesses are run by people. And people—even your bosses—want to feel seen, heard, and recognized. We’re not machines.

When you cause your friend an inconvenience, you acknowledge it because that’s what decent people do. Why not extend the same courtesy to people you work with?

It’s frustrating when direct reports waste my time by sending sloppy work.

Do you know what’s even more frustrating, though? When they act like it’s business as usual. Regardless of their intent, this comes across as entitled. “I don’t care that I just caused everyone else a lot of stress. Deal with it.”

To be sure, I want to know what you’ll do differently next time to prevent this in the future.

But I also want to know if you felt bad about this happening in the first place.

Here’s a reframe: It’s not or—it’s and.

“I will show remorse AND I will share how we’ll prevent this in the future.”

How do you tell someone they can tell you if they feel bad? Is that an awkward conversation? It doesn’t have to be if you frame it well.

Try this script, which I’ve used myself with positive results:

“This was pretty bad and I know this isn’t reflective of who you are or your quality of work. I don’t know if you feel bad about this, but if you do, it’s okay to say sorry. I know we were all taught not to apologize at work. But when you apologize and share that you feel bad, it makes me feel like you care enough to feel bad. And caring counts for a lot.”

When I’ve said this to direct reports, most of them let out a sigh of relief. One person said, “I am so glad you mentioned this. I felt terrible! But I didn’t know what to say or if I should apologize. I’m really sorry. You know this isn’t me and I’m glad we can talk about it.”

If you mess up, apologize to your boss or coworker. You don’t have to grovel. But you will improve your work relationships if you show you care.